How to make sure you, mom, exist in family pictures
It’s a story I hear almost every time.
A mama reaches out to book a session and tells me, almost apologetically, that she doesn’t have many photos of herself with her children. She’s always the one behind the camera. Capturing everyone else’s moments, but never her own, relying on selfies to be included in the frame with her kids.
And I get it.
You’re the one planning everything, making sure everyone looks nice, remembering to document.
But you’re also the one saying, “Oh no, not me, I look tired today” or “my hair looks awful.” I was guilty of saying that too, before it hit me: my kids don’t care how I look. They just want to see me there, they want to see their mom in family pictures with them.
Here’s the thing: you belong in the frame too.
You deserve more than a selfie or a blurry photo taken by a relative who meant well but doesn’t know much about framing a good photo.
Why it matters to be seen
My own personal wake up call happened one day when my kids were looking at old photos of them when they were babies. They could see everyone: themselves, dad, grandparents, uncles, friends… At some point they just frowned and said “hey, Mama… Where were you?” And it kinda hit me like a brick you know? I was all like “huh, well, I was there! I’m the one taking the photos so it makes sense I’m not in them”.
It makes sense? Wait, no.
At the time, I was a stay-at-home mama, homeschooling them. I did everything with them. I was always there. They know that, but they wanted to see me with them in the keepsake photos.
Your children won’t remember whether you had a good hair day or if you were wearing makeup.
What they’ll see is you. Holding them. Laughing with them. Taking care of them. Being their safe place.
These moments? They matter.
Not because they’re perfect, but because they’re real, they happened and it was awsome.
Years from now, when they flip through photo albums or scroll through digital memories, they’ll want to see their mama. They’ll want to feel how loved they were, how present you were. Even if your eyes had dark circles or your shirt had wrinkles. Especially then, because that’s what love looked like in the thick of it. You never want to hear “where’s Mom in the family pictures?” like I did.
How to show up in your family pictures
Here are a few simple ways to make sure you’re not always behind the scenes:
1. Choose a photographer who gets it
It could be a friend, a relative, your partner, or a professional. Find someone who sees the beauty in the chaos, who won’t pose you stiffly or ask you to smile awkwardly. Someone who notices the way you hold your child’s hand or tuck their hair behind their ear. (Bonjour, that’s me!)
2. Let go of perfection
There is no such thing as the perfect photo, the perfect hair, the perfect weight, the perfect home. The magic lies everywhere, in the cuddle, the giggle, the messy, beautiful now. You are enough.
3. Use a tripod!
Get yourself a little phone stand or camera tripod and get into the habit of using the timer. It’s a great way to allow you, mom, to get in family pictures too! It takes just a few seconds, but it means you get to be in the photo right now, no need to wait for someone else to take it.
4. Ask, ask, ask everyone to take photos
Even outside of professional sessions, hand them the phone sometimes. Say “I want to remember this.” Let everyone know you want candid pictures and that they should go ahead when they see a cute moment happening. You don’t need to wait for a special occasion to be included. Ask away, even if they don’t like taking photos. Let them share the mental load of documenting with you. You deserve it! You work so hard for your family, don’t be afraid to ask for photos.
This is your story, too
Being in the picture isn’t vanity. It’s visibility.
It’s saying: I was here. I loved you. I showed up. You do show up, everyday, and you deserve those keepsakes.
And if you’re reading this, maybe it’s the gentle nudge you needed.
So mama, let’s make sure you exist in your family’s memories, not just through what you gave, but through who you were with them.
Women are invisible enough, let’s put moms in the frame
Motherhood deserves to be seen.
Mothers already carry so much of the invisible work — the planning, the comforting, the remembering of birthdays, favourite snacks and shoe sizes. It’s easy to end up behind the scenes and behind the camera. But your kids deserve to look back and see you there, not just feel you in the background. You belong in the frame, too, that space next to them is yours.
Want to book a session where you’re in the frame too?
Let’s make it happen.
A session where you don’t have to do or plan anything, just be there.
With your babies, as you are.
Get in touch to book your family photo session in Dublin. I’d be honoured to help you create memories where you’re part of the story, too.
